Igai Ai
by Thea
Summary: While Miaka is gone off to her own world, Hotohori asks Nuriko for an unusual favor.


Igai Ai

**Before reading, you might want to know...**  
This story is set during the time when Miaka had been sent back to her own world by Taiitsukun. Back when I wrote it, the only way to get to read a nice sappy Nuriko/Hotohori romance was to write it myself, so I did. The title translates to _Unexpected Love_. This story won Best Yaoi in the 1998 A-ano~ Fushigi Yuugi Fanfiction Contest. Arigatou, minna-san!

**TITLE:** Igai Ai  
**AUTHOR:** Thea  
**FINISHED:** November 1997

It had been a week since Taiitsu-kun sent Miaka back to her own world. After Miaka was gone, the wrinkled sorceress had sent them safely back to the palace, and Tamahome and Hotohori both had promptly settled into separate depressions. Nuriko had his hands full making sure they both remembered to eat -- food, not plates, in Tamahome's case -- and sleep and pay attention to their surroundings. Actually, he rarely saw Hotohori, but as often as he could he tried to remind the servants to look after him.

Looking after Tamahome was another matter. It was simpler, since he could do it directly, but Hotohori at least was able to concentrate on matters of state, and had advisors to help him. Tamahome was completely gone. Lost. His brain was rotting and dribbling out of his ears. If Nuriko didn't keep an eye on him, he was going to walk into a wall one of these days.

That afternoon found Nuriko walking past Hotohori's study. Though he'd seen as little of the Emperor in the past week as he had before Miaka arrived, he kept an eye on him, concerned at how upset he was over Miaka's absence. He often walked past the young ruler's rooms to see what he was doing, if he looked unhappy.

The door was open, and Nuriko spared a small glance in as he passed. Hotohori was seated at his desk within, watching the door, and Nuriko started as he was spoken to.

"Nuriko... come in, please."

"Hai, Hotohori-sama." Nuriko wished he had taken greater pains with his appearance that morning. Not that he wasn't lovely as always, but if he had known he'd be talking to the Emperor, he would have worn his favorite dress, and spent more time doing his hair.

"Sit down. I wanted to ask you something."

Nuriko felt the butterflies starting in his stomach as he took the seat that Hotohori indicated. He knew it was foolish, but any word spoken to him by the Emperor sent his heart soaring with hope.

"About Tamahome... he has been very distracted since Miaka returned to her world."

"Hai, Hotohori-sama." Nuriko bit his lip. How best to explain? "He misses her more than he expected to, I think."

"Does he-- is he in love with her?"

Hotohori's question at once relieved Nuriko of having to bring up the subject himself, and left him with the burden of answering it. "I think... he doesn't realize that he is."

Hotohori's voice was a bit pained as he asked the next question, "Does she love him?"

Nuriko wondered suddenly why Hotohori would ask him such things. But he did know. He had more freedom to associate with Miaka and Tamahome, and despite getting off to a poor start with them both was actually closer to them than Hotohori was.

He nodded slowly. "She is. And he knows it, but he doesn't really know his own feelings. He's been miserable." Nuriko looked up to watch Hotohori's expression as he spoke, and regretted it. The pain that flashed in Hotohori's eyes made Nuriko's own heart ache, but he didn't dare say anything else.

Hotohori lowered his gaze after a moment, not replying at first. Nuriko was afraid that the Emperor would start to cry, and then he wouldn't be able to keep from trying to comfort him. Then he surely would make a fool of himself. Finally he spoke softly, "Thank you for telling me, Nuriko." His voice just barely trembled. "Please... I would rather be alone now."

Nuriko nodded. "Hai, Emperor-sama." He stood quietly, partly relieved to be told to go so that he could remove himself from temptation, partly disappointed that Hotohori wouldn't seek comfort from him. He was being foolish. Of course it was best that he leave. Slowly, he walked away from the chair, stopping in the doorway to look back.

Hotohori had already turned away, and made another soft request, "Please close the door when you leave."

Nuriko's only reply was a quiet, "Hai," as he stepped out, then closed the door to the Emperor's study behind him.

The next week passed much the same as the last. Tamahome developed a taste for fine China, nearly cracking a few teeth, and Nuriko spent most of his time either looking after Tamahome, or worrying about Hotohori. His regular trips past the Emperor's office and quarters yielded only a few glimpses, and no words between them.

The amount of time he was spending in seclusion worried Nuriko. It wasn't just that Nuriko himself rarely saw him -- before, it was easy enough to catch glimpses of the Emperor busy with advisors and matters of state, but in the past week, he had kept to his rooms, neglecting his duties. Nuriko grew more and more concerned about the Emperor's moods, with this new information and no Miaka there to confirm or deny it, or to cheer him. As jealous as he was of Miaka, he'd seen more real smiles on Hotohori's face since she had arrived.

That evening, as he passed Hotohori's quarters, he heard a soft voice call his name. The Emperor's voice. "Nuriko...? Will you come in?"

He blinked, startled. "Hai, Emperor-sama?" Why was he being invited into Hotohori's room?

"Close the door after you."

Nuriko stepped inside, closing the door behind him as asked, and stifled a sigh at the sight of Hotohori in a robe, his hair loose, looking more unsure of himself than Nuriko thought he'd ever seen. He was beautiful, and Nuriko had to stop himself from reaching out to touch the long, dark hair that half obscured his eyes.

"Come in and sit. I wanted to... ask you something." Hotohori was seated on the edge of his bed, and indicated for Nuriko to sit there also.

The whole conversation so far had set the butterflies to frantic fluttering in Nuriko's stomach. What was this about? He nodded, and sat as asked, trying not to show how nervous he was. "What is it?"

Hotohori hesitated a moment before speaking. "I've been thinking, about Miaka, and about... well, I want to ask a favor of you." Could it be that the Emperor was actually blushing? "It may sound a little strange, so let me explain before you answer. Actually, you can take as much time to think about it as you need."

Nuriko was sure his eyes must have been as big as saucers, and his heart was pounding wildly in his ears. He was over-reacting. That must be it. But what in the world could Hotohori be talking about? The young Emperor was usually self-assured and commanding, though always gentle, and to see him vulnerable and nervous made Nuriko nervous from wondering what could cause such a reaction.

Hotohori continued quietly, "I would like you to be my Empress."

Nuriko's jaw fell slack. His face burned with flushed heat, and he felt as if his heart had stopped as he blinked at Hotohori. But his next words put a stop to the joy that had begun to rush through him.

Hotohori's soft voice, the voice that Nuriko had heard say those words in so many of his dreams, spoke again. "I cannot bear to marry another woman than Miaka, but my advisors are pushing me to find an Empress. Only Miaka, Tamahome, and I know your secret here. If you married me, I would have a suitable Empress at my side to please my advisors, and you would have a life of luxury. The matter of an heir can be solved later."

Nuriko's eyes filled with tears, and he struggled not to let them fall. How many times had he dreamed of this moment, and now the proposal he had longed for was replaced by this, his dream twisted. It wasn't Hotohori's fault. Nuriko knew how lonely he was, he'd seen how upset he had been with Miaka gone, he'd overheard Hotohori and Miaka talking about his past. He knew the Emperor had been miserable lately. But this... Nuriko just blinked at Hotohori, not trusting his voice.

A faint flush colored the Emperor's beautiful face. "I'm not asking... anything of you. Just the opposite. I don't know anyone else I could trust to do this for me."

Nuriko swallowed hard, and hoped that Hotohori wouldn't notice the tear trickling from the corner of one eye. He didn't dare wipe it away and call more attention to it. "Hotohori-sama..." His voice caught in his throat, and he paused, shaking his head for a moment, before going on, "I don't want to be Empress."

Hotohori blinked once, and turned a troubled, beautiful frown on Nuriko. "You don't? Then... why have you been masquerading as a princess?" He was silent for a moment, thinking, then opened his mouth again, but Nuriko interrupted.

"Actually, that's not true. I want to be Empress more than anything." Nuriko turned his gaze toward his feet. Well, he'd said that much now... so he might as well say it all. His voice was very quiet as he spoke again. "But it wouldn't mean anything to me... if you didn't... love me." The last two words were barely whispered, but the room was quiet, and Hotohori only a few feet away.

The Emperor blinked wide eyes at the man he'd just proposed to. Nuriko did not look up, but Hotohori could see the flush that stained his cheeks. Nuriko... Nuriko was in love with him? In love with him. But... Nuriko was a man. One who'd said his mind was female, true... Hotohori's head swam, but finally he stamped down his confusion.

"Nuriko."

Blushing an even brighter shade, Nuriko looked up timidly. "Hai, Hotohori-sama?"

The Emperor's eyes were compassionate. "Nuriko, I am very sorry. That must have hurt you, and I never wanted to do that."

Nuriko simply blinked, at first, then murmurred, "It's not your fault. You didn't know."

An awkward silence hung between them for a long moment, until both started to speak at once. Hotohori deferred, "Go ahead."

Nuriko nodded. "If... if in a week, you still want to go ahead with this plan... then I'll give you my answer."

Hotohori nodded dumbly, uncertain what to say or even what to think. When Nuriko stood up, he gathered his composure and said softly, "Goodnight, Nuriko."

Nuriko headed quietly for the door, and the Emperor didn't try to stop him. "Goodnight, Hotohori-sama." He opened the door and slipped out, then closed it behind him again.

The next week passed in confusion and impatience for Hotohori. All he wanted was an answer, so he could quiet the tangle of emotions in his head. If he had felt like being honest with himself, he would have admitted that neither answer he could receive would really help... but if he told himself that he'd feel better once he got an answer, then he felt a little better while he waited.

As for Nuriko, he knew what his answer would be almost right away, but spent the week trying to get used to the idea, and giving Hotohori time to think. Finally the end of the week had arrived, and it was late at night by the time Nuriko paused in front of Hotohori's door. He rapped lightly on the door, and it opened a few moments later.

"Nuriko..." Hotohori blinked slowly, then stepped back to let him inside.

Nuriko gave his Emperor an almost shy smile, but he didn't waste time letting him know of his decision. He said softly, "Hotohori-sama, if you still want me to be your Empress, then I'll marry you. I won't ever ask anything of you, and I'll try to keep myself from hoping..." He bit his lip, sad eyes watching Hotohori.

The Emperor blinked, trying to figure out why he wanted so much to erase the sadness from Nuriko's expression and replace it with delight. Nuriko loved him... he deserved to be loved in return, to be happy. But... he loved Miaka. And Nuriko was a man. But... he'd asked Nuriko to marry him. Finally, seeing that Nuriko was watching him with a worried expression, he nodded softly.

"Nuriko... I don't know how I can thank you enough."

Nuriko smiled at him wistfully. After a few moments of silence, he asked, "Um... when is the wedding?"

Hotohori said softly, "It should be soon... to make the advisors happy. How much time would you like to prepare?"

Nuriko answered, "If you're sure you won't regret this, then it might as well be as soon as the planning is done."

Hotohori nodded. "I will tell my advisors to start planning right away." He hesitated, then asked, "Is there anything you'd like to talk about? About... well, anything, I suppose?"

Nuriko shook his head, rather suddenly quiet. His voice was low as he replied, "Not right now..." He was tempted to cry, even though he'd made this choice, and he didn't want to ask the Emperor for comfort. "Right now, I'd better go."

Hotohori blinked for a moment, and then nodded, "I won't keep you..."

Nuriko turned and headed quietly for the door.

Several weeks passed and Nuriko barely saw Hotohori. The wedding preparations kept both of them, especially the Emperor, very busy. When they did see each other, Hotohori was always polite, but seemed a little uncomfortable about something. Nuriko did his best to keep from longing for the man he would marry, but there was no helping it.

Then it was the day of the wedding. Nuriko was radiantly beautiful in a red gown, and Hotohori looked more beautiful than Nuriko had believed was possible, even for him. Nuriko composed himself and did his best to look deliriously happy, while Hotohori looked like a properly nervous groom. Then servants were whisking both of them away, and Nuriko found himself in the Empress's quarters, alone.

He knew better than to expect to see Hotohori until the next day, or very often at all. It was a marriage for appearances only, and he knew it. Nuriko looked around the room. It was beautiful. Lavishly decorated, with a huge, canopied bed, it was certainly fit for an Empress. Unfortunately it would likely never be seen by the Emperor.

By now the servants had learned better than to try to dress the new Empress, after Nuriko had given them several tongue-lashings on the subject, so his nightgown was laid out neatly on the bed. He undressed slowly, and then slipped the nightgown on, buttoning up the front. Another lonely night made lonelier by the fact that he should have been spending it with the man he loved.

Nuriko drew back the covers, and climbed into the bed, He was just pulling them back over himself when he heard the sound of the door opening, then closing again, followed by soft footsteps.

"Who... who's there?"

A tall shape stepped forward into the room, and a quiet voice answered, "It's me. I... I wanted to talk to you."

Nuriko had trouble finding his voice. "Hotohori-sama..." The Emperor walked to the side of the bed, his expression unreadable as he looked down at Nuriko, who was sitting up, watching him nervously.

"Nuriko, I've been doing some thinking lately about what you said..."

Nuriko blinked up at Hotohori in confusion, uncertain what he meant.

"I've been lonely for so long, dreaming of meeting someone who would love me for myself, not because I was the Emperor... when I heard the story of Suzaku No Miko, I hoped that she would be that someone... but now I see I was blind, I never realized that someone else might be dreaming of me."

Nuriko's eyes had gone wide as he listened to Hotohori, and he stared at the Emperor in amazement.

Hotohori continued, his voice soft and hesitant. "Nuriko... if you still would give me a chance..." His dark gold eyes were wide and vulnerable, an uncertainty in them that was achingly beautiful to Nuriko. "If you love me... neither of us has to be lonely..." He gave Nuriko an intent look, searching for answers in the other man's eyes.

Nuriko simply stared for a long while, disbelieving, until Hotohori turned his gaze toward the floor and said softly, "I'm sorry, for hurting you before and then saying this to you now. I'll let you get to sleep."

Nuriko blinked. "Matte!" He flushed, and said more softly, "Hotohori-sama, I... please stay..."

Hotohori looked back at him, and Nuriko let his doubts slip away, delighting in the hope that was in the Emperor's expression. At last, he had the chance he had longed for. Hotohori was silent, letting Nuriko say what he wished, so Nuriko gathered his thoughts.

He wasn't sure where to start. There was so much he wanted to say. "Are... are you sure?"

"Not entirely," he admitted softly. "I've never... I didn't think about it until you told me..."

Nuriko nodded, murmurring, "I can count myself incredibly lucky that you'd even consider it..." He lowered his gaze. "I'm not the woman that you deserve..."

Hotohori sat down quickly at the edge of the bed, raising a hand to Nuriko's chin, lifting it gently so he had to look at him. "Don't say that. You're the most beautiful man in the kingdom apart from me." That made Nuriko's eyes go wide even as he smiled at the self-compliment. Hotohori continued softly, "I've seen you look at me with such sad eyes, and I... I want you to be happy. I want to see joy in your eyes instead of sadness. I think... we could make each other happy. I want to try..."

He was already getting that wish as Nuriko stared at him in breathless, elated wonder. It was intoxicating, the feeling that he could cause such a reaction. He'd longed for Miaka to look at him like this, for some sign that his dreams of Suzaku no Miko could come true, but though her friendship had dulled the ache of loneliness somewhat, she hadn't loved him. But now... it wasn't loneliness that was on his mind now.

Hotohori leaned slowly closer, enjoying the anticipation in Nuriko's gaze. Finally Nuriko's eyelids fluttered closed, and Hotohori closed the remaining distance, touching his lips to Nuriko's. The kiss was tentative at first, neither sure of themselves, and remained light as Hotohori discovered the softness and warmth of Nuriko's lips.

Nuriko had trouble remembering to breathe as Hotohori spoke, and when he fell silent, and began to move closer, he was afraid to move for fear that this sweet dream would end. His eyes closed of their own accord, and then he felt the Emperor's lips brush his own in a soft kiss. He had dreamed of this, so many times... now he tilted his head slightly, returning the kiss, never more daring than Hotohori himself. The hand cupping his chin slid to his cheek, caressing gently.

The kiss went on for a while, until Hotohori finally broke it. He blinked at Nuriko for a long moment, until the other opened his eyes, and he was lost in that adoring gaze. "Nuriko..." He touched Nuriko's face gently, tracing his lower lip with his thumb, lifting the other hand to caress his temple, then slide into his hair.

"You are so beautiful. So amazing. All this time we've both been lonely, when we could have been together... I'm sorry."

He scattered soft kisses over Nuriko's face. His forehead. His cheek. The corners of his mouth. The tip of his nose. That cute little mole he had. Nuriko sighed, his eyes closing again, and wrapped his arms around Hotohori's torso, pulling him closer as he sought the Emperor's lips for a kiss.

This time they were both more sure of themselves and of the other's reaction. Nuriko parted his lips, and shivered as he felt Hotohori's tongue trace them lightly, then slip between. He met Hotohori's kiss with passion, tasting his sweet mouth, his arms wrapping tighter around his waist. The kiss lasted until both were breathless, then gave way to many shorter kisses, with soft gasps for air between them.

Nuriko angled his head to plant a series of soft kisses along Hotohori's jaw, earning a ragged gasp from the Emperor. He nipped lightly down his neck, and licked at his collarbone, enjoying the shudder that went through Hotohori's frame. Suddenly dark gold eyes were staring into his, bright with desire.

Nuriko's throat felt dry, but he managed to force the words out anyway. "Will... will you stay with me tonight?"

Hotohori nodded, then tilted his head to nuzzle at Nuriko's neck.

"Mmm... are you sure?" Hotohori was nibbling on his ear.

"Very. Are you?"

Nuriko made a little whimpering noise as Hotohori licked around the outside of his ear, and he pulled his arms from around the Emperor so he could fumble for the sash of his robe. "There's nothing I want more..."

Hotohori brought his lips back to Nuriko's for a hungry kiss, and rolled fully onto the bed, pulling Nuriko with him. They fell together in a tangle of arms and legs.

Nuriko woke the next morning with a sense that something was not quite normal. He was certainly comfortable. He was wrapped up in strong arms, held close to a warm body... that was **not** normal. Very, very nice, but not normal. Nuriko lifted his head, and looked with wide eyes at the sleeping Hotohori.

Dark hair flowed over his shoulders and back, and half obscured his face. A drowsy smile curved his lips. In that peaceful sleep he looked more beautiful than Nuriko had thought possible. He lifted a hand to brush a lock of hair back from the Emperor's face, and Hotohori stirred, mumbling a faint protest at waking, but losing his hold on sleep all the same.

Nuriko froze, suddenly worried at Hotohori's reaction now, after the night they had spent together. Would he regret it? He watched silently as Hotohori woke, his eyes fluttering open. He looked startled at first, then, as the memory of the last 24 hours returned, he flushed as he met Nuriko's gaze.

"Nuriko..." The other man looked at him with a tentative little smile and wide, vulnerable eyes. Hotohori was sure he had never seen anything so beautiful. He didn't need Suzaku no Miko to take away his loneliness. He had Nuriko, who loved him, who had been waiting for him.

Hotohori lifted a hand to Nuriko's cheek, and smiled tenderly at his lover, his Empress. He whispered softly, "Aishiteru."

Nuriko's eyes filled with tears. He'd dreamed it, ever since the moment they first met, and finally, all his dreams had come true. "Aishiteru, Hotohori..." He was drawn into Hotohori's arms, burying his face against the Emperor's neck and holding to him tightly. He never planned to let go.

Please see my author profile for more stories I've written, a link to my website (with stuff I haven't posted here), and other information.

Persons considering reviewing this story should note that neither I, nor anyone else, will have their opinions about this story changed by reviews expressing dislike of my choice of pairing, or what genders I choose to match up together. People who don't mind that kind of thing still won't mind, and people who do mind ought to be able to tell from the notes at the top that they shouldn't read this. On the other hand, I'm happy to receive any other sort of comments about what you liked or didn't like about this story.


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